Moved...

www.sidneyng.com

Nicer domain right? :)

Moved...

As much as I really like iamsidney.blogspot.com,

I will be moving on to sidneyng.blogspot.com. I really wonder should I really have an annonymous blog?

Classification of my blog/site/whatever you might call it

I find it very difficult to tell people what I write.

You see, I have been reading other blogs (READ: very much successful competitors who are lightyears ahead of me in terms of readership/traffic/anything else that makes them #1 and me a small fly). I am neither an intellectual, nor am I a carefree blogger who tells you every detail of my already boring and almost uneventful life.

I neither am the best wordsmith that can wow people over my superior command of the language, nor am I the Engrish expert to be the butt of English gone bad jokes. I do not camwhore, I do not overuse vulgarity, I do not teach you how to do anything, I do not "teach" you how to think and have hidden agendas behind what I write, I do not even really have much of an agenda or message (if there is, it would be to feed me and to contribute to the Sidney Relief Fund...but THAT is an entirely different matter alltogether).

I neither claim that "most find my blog worth reading" (OUCH to whoever who is reading this and who actually used the 'trademark' line). I neither have a string of awards to show you how good I am at what I do (although awards to be 'decorated' at my blog would be very much welcomed).

I can only say this...I write from the heart.

Make Money Online???

Been actually reading about the whole AdSense thing and all the theories on how to make money online. Its amusing, it reminds me a whole lot about Network Marketing (i.e. shoving things down the throats of people).
However, I think its a more dignified way of doing it.

Still. Some things don't add up.

Perhaps I am traditional and I still believe that having a proper product may it be HTML codes or physical stock products is the way to go. Somehow it just seemed so wrong.

Don't get me wrong, its not that I have a fear of money or anything as those self help money making gurus are quick to point out. I am not lazy as well. In fact, I am taking the initiative to learn about web design and the like (Photoshop CS etc.)

Its just a personal opinion that the internet is a way to introduce one's products and services online, to make it more assessable and perhaps to suit the changing demands of converging worlds. Someday I would come across a good idea. For now, I think I will stick to what I do best. Write crap.

Speaking of crap, I think nowadays many young local bloggers are getting better and better at being wordsmiths. I am not too sure if I can keep up but it certainly adds spice and variety to the previously underestimated young Malaysians.

The week has been quite busy as all weeks. I really don't think I am all that good anymore. Somehow I feel tainted.

Perhaps the lures of modern technology and false promises of riches and glory has eroded into my already peaceful courtyard?
The wishlist seems to be getting larger and larger.

First, the Palm TX, then the laptop, then the smartphone. Sigh. I hope this ends soon. Most of the time its just a phase. After a while, I see the foolishness of it.
That's why perhaps I was lucky to not be so well to do. God knows how many of those Network Marketing schemes I would have fallen to prey with. Argh those snake oil peddlers.

What business can I get into? For now, I am still setting my sights on consultancy.
By the way, I am going to get a domain. Am seriously unsure which blog would be chosen to host my blog. I think the website will be my latest incarnation of my existence in cyberspace. I am still gathering the resources to design something which I can be proud of.

I am thinking something in the likes of Dreamweaver. Something simple but still elegant. Nothing too "flash"-ey to cater to those with dial up lines (I have been there, I realize the pain).
I still have no idea on the direction of the website.
I guess I will just figure it out as I go along.

Life is uncertain. I wish there was some sort of an insurance where there is no premium. Tell me if you have found such a scheme.

7-7-07

I just thought it would be cool to post an entry when the calendar hits 7/7/07. The westerners take it as a lucky omen as 7+7+7=21, which is the winning Blackjack numbers. Thus, a record breaking number of marriages. Everyone is jumping on the bandwagon.

Besides that, life has been pretty much moving at a very fast pace. Before I can say "Damn, I still have yet to receive the confirmation and salary increment", its another weekend.
Weekends just breeze by with a blink. Oftentimes, the weekends don't feel like the weekends as you can do what you really want to do.
And most often, you become too lazy to even get up.

I have big plans tomorrow. A larger part of me just wants to rest a home, but I really need to get my cellphone repaired and also kill a few birds with one stone (ie buy some good pirate DVD's/ CD's, games to keep me occupied and hyped up as the internet is losing its fun/see how much things has changed for a small town I used to know). Then before I know it, the weekend will be over. Ah, why cant the weekend just waltz a little more slower?
Still, sometimes the sheer meaninglessness of things and people around you just get to you.
I grew up thinking that the big managers and people at the top of the pyramid of big organizations know what they are doing and are the best at what they do. I guess I was wrong. Everyone has flaws. Big flaws. Perfection is only an ideal dream that cannot be attained.
We all lead average lives, end up marrying average looking people (despite shallow dreams of being with someone who looks good), end up being in an average job, just being average. Living but not thriving. How much of our lives do we really want to lead the way we imagine ourselves leading? Meeting and being with people we really enjoy the company of, doing the things we really want to do, having the time for so many things we can only dream of, and of course leading the life we think we deserve.

Perhaps I am just shallow. Perhaps I am just lazy. Perhaps I am too idealistic.

The word ideal itself is very much an enigma. How else can something be ideal when its already perfect to suit? Is contentment real? Is contentment relative to ideal?

Back to my lil rambling, I find that selfishness is a common flaw shared by everyone. The quest for self preservation. For whatever for? Why is there still a need to exist? Is there much to lose? That can also be linked with the quest for identity and of finding the missing puzzle in our lives. Perhaps only then, can we have said we have experienced enough and would be willing to get away from all this. How much are we willing to sacrifice to find that sense of contentment and to distance ourselves from the various dramas that plague our lives and make them interesting?

Perhaps there is indeed a price to pay for everything. Its just how much are we willing to spend.
Its a Saturday night. Back when I was younger, I used to think that I would be out with people I enjoy to have their company with on Saturday nights and to just let whatever stress of the week just float on by with the next cup of Teh O Ais Limau (ice lemon tea for all you yankees).
Apparently, life took a different turn. I can't say that I regret, I really hate driving in traffic jams and having to do so 5 to 6 days a week just like a hamster repeating its routine. This job allows me to walk to work and I seldom drive out for work. There is hardly any jams and I can get up half an hour before work to get ready.

So here I am on a Saturday night waiting for a train that can't seem to arrive when you want it to. Its amusing really. Perhaps its fate that distances one train ride with another and perhaps fate determines which train ride we should be on and which does not. I want to be on the Orient Express, but I don't think my ticket is valid here. Perhaps someday, the station master would find my persistence commendable and perhaps only then would the bar gates rise and would I find my transit. I just hope I don't miss my stop.

Being Overrated

I met my previous boss...kinda...more like the person in charge of my industrial training.
The scary part was that he KNOWS that I blog.
Wtf.
If he did read about himself some point or other...I think he wouldn't be so amused.

So anyway, my topic here today is about being overrated. You do know when you get those "Testimonials" from Friendster, I don't know about you but I feel most of the things mentioned are not fully true. I am not such a nice person. Heck, I don't really think I am all that is advertised. From bosses to friends to parents. They all have unreasonable expectations on you.
From what I learnt for now is that everyone has his/her faults. Its difficult to be perfect.

Try as we may. Its just a vain attempt to fix the already damaged goods. I think most people are quite unaware on how screwed up they are. The rest of us become to aware it becomes like paranoia (like yours sincerely).

I really don't know if I will ever amount to anything.

The worlds of my career, personal growth and relationships are clashing together.. like a supernovae...

It Struck Me...

I lead a weird life.
That might not seem new to those who might know me.
I find I do a lot of pointless things in life. Things that I know would not get me anywhere.
Yet, somewhere in my dumb, subconscious head, I still do it. Hoping that somewhere in time I would actually get something that I know I won't get.

Perhaps deep inside the sarcastic and lost hope person, there's still a part of me that still wants to believe.

Sigh. Would I amount to anything? I always find myself asking this.

I have been on fruits for the past two days. It didn't hit off so well. There seemed to be so much of distractions. Perhaps next week would be better after the ISP Seminar. Perhaps then I can safely set aside a few days to just be a hermit and not let people bother me that much.
I have very little selections of fruits to begin with as well.

Fruit diet teaches discipline to the highest degree (somewhat). Makes you feel lighter as well. You feel unaffected and a little numb to life as well. I think mainly because you are a little too weak and tired to even respond. Perhaps I haven't been eating as much fruits as I am supposed to.
But when you get used to eating fruits, you find that you don't need too much to survive. The hunger doesn't get to you. Its just the weak feeling and the lethargic feeling. I should one day try to see how far I can go with just fruits. Perhaps 21 days before I pass out and feel that life is just a waste of time.

As of now, I think I have only felt a partial death experience of being too tired and still carrying on my existence here. We'll see how long this wheel will turn.

Fickle me...

So I was just chatting with an old acquaintance of mine and he pointed out something I have known a long time ago. I am fickle. Explains why most of my blogs don't last long.
Also explains why I can never seem to get much done in the office sometimes.
So my posts are arranged in that direction. Non linear. My mind moves in the same, non linear way. Just like how most things are.

Organization of thoughts are quite scrambled yet I think I excel in execution of the written word. In layman's language I make the boring sound interesting. Ok, so that was an exaggeration. But perhaps that's my skill. Or secret powers. Been catching up on old times. History never seems to let you rest in peace unless you appease them in some way or another. Its quite nice to catch up on times when things were not just a memory and things were much simpler.

Not that much has changed though. Perhaps being more independent and being away from home that's one. Having to fend for myself with nobody to back me up is another. Having to finally be a sell out to suck up for my boss is also something new. I am just so used to being in my own dimension that I always forget that I am just a small fly in a big company. I have not much say and more to do but at the same time I am in a big scale of things to come.
Its a bit complex to describe without giving out too much details. The main idea is that I am useful yet I am not.

The fact that it has taken me 2 weeks just to write this post...has proven the point that I am too fickle for my own good. I have gotten myself a Second Life account. I wonder if that means that I have no life on top of being a fickle agronomist. I am just going to see what the hype with MMORPG is all about. Perhaps its just an over hyped trend that has mind control as a main agenda. Wouldn't that be interesting?

Anyway, gotta get my dinner. Guava. Yummylicious.

The 3rd Incarnation of Many...

This is my third incarnation here in blogspot/blogger.
Don't get me wrong. I have been blogging for sometime. Just in different places. I don't think I would give up my VOX account nor would I stop writing in Livejournal. The stuff there (particularly in Livejournal) are more personal in nature. I am still figuring out whether to carry on with this OR to just forget about it and just let this current blog rot as well and just claim royalty to my username. I do that a lot.

It helps me cope with my current non-existence in this realm.
Well...until the boss starts screaming at me. That's when suddenly I am pulled back from the parallel dimension of nowhere and I start existing again. That and also when people asks favors from me. After that, I am as good as a nobody.

Perhaps I suffer from being so average.
Actually, I am not too average. I mean there has always been a part of me that feels uncomplete. No matter how much I lie to myself. There's still a part of myself that I find faults with.
Perhaps I am a typical Libran who is actually a closet perfectionist.
But I never ever got 100% before. Oh wait, I did a couple of times when I actually bothered to try hard enough.

Honestly, I have pretty much given up on trying too hard. Not that I am afraid to. But I find its just pointless. My shallow sense of satisfaction does not allow the "hard work, sweat and tears" to go to waste. Then again, I can't really remember the last time I felt REALLY satisfied with something. Oh right, yes my transfer. But I saw it coming anyway, and if they did not give me, I would have gotten the job as an agronomist in a competitor company (I KNEW I stood a good chance).

So here I go again, trying to make all this make sense, yet failing very miserably.
Tomorrow is a Saturday. As much as it is 3 cheers for the weekend, I am not getting it that easy. The boss is just back and it seems like I am going to drown in the expected LONG, one sided meeting.
I can see it even right now.
But I shall not dwell any further in this, less my boss reads this.

Welcome to my blog by the way. I am Sidney. And I shall just leave that. As that.